Communicate Expectations – Tell your teen in a nonthreatening but firm manner that you will not accept their staying in bed all morning and afternoon. It is perfectly reasonable to ask that they get up at a decent hour. Explain that you want them to do more than merely watch TV, play video games, or visit social networking sites all day.

If your teen wants you to help pay for their summer activities, they should be willing to abide by a few summer guidelines. Set an age appropriate, specific time that you expect them to be home, based upon the level of trust they have earned. Ask them to take on a couple of extra chores during the summer to earn some pocket money. These chores could be for you or someone else, but make sure they go above and beyond the normal, everyday chores that every member of the family should be expected to do.

Get Them Engaged – Whether you ask them to help you more around the house, participate in volunteer activities in the community, or help them get a job, you want them to be engaged in something worthwhile. Give them encouragement to help at a YMCA, children’s program, or nursing home. They may find they truly enjoy these volunteer activities and you will help them appreciate the joys of serving others that will last a lifetime.

Help them find volunteer positions by calling around to local places of worship, daycares, charities, or nursing homes. Local businesses may be hiring summer help; offer to help them find a job to earn some extra money. This will help them learn to manage money, but will also help them realize the value of their time. If they get paid by the hour, they might be less likely to fritter their time away.

Spend Family Time – Avoid giving lectures about what they should do during the summer. (Lectures, period, are ineffective with teens.) Instead, find activities that you can do with them. You don’t have to spend every waking moment with your teen, but take some time to take them shopping, go to a movie, or out for a coffee. Keep it relaxed and let your teen open up to you in their own time and way. Summertime is a great time to reconnect with your teen. Don’t let these weeks go by without taking this time to slow down and just be together.

Encourage Physical Activity – Take time to learn or play a new sport with your teen. Not only will this help your teen be more active during the summer, it’ll help you get some much needed exercise, too. Boys in particular are more likely to enjoy “side by side” activities. These are often great times to open dialogue with your son about important issues. Give tennis, swimming, cycling, or rollerblading a try. You both will benefit your health and well being.

Parents all over the country complain that their teens get lazy during the summer break. But teens, just like toddlers, need guidance, clear communication, and reminders of your expectations in order to be successful. These tips should get you well on your way. Ask your teen if there are things they’d like to accomplish before school starts, and then help them to meet those goals.

Need More Help?

Here are three guides to help you reconnect with your teen, so you can help them with the rocky road of being a teenager.

1. If you’re gearing up for another summer with your teen and want to dread trying to keep them occupied, happy and out of trouble, check out School’s Outfor plenty of expert resources to make it a great summer.

2. Real Life Guidance to Understanding Your Teen shows you how to accept what you can and cannot control in your teen’s life, how to cope with mood swings, keeping the lines of communication open.

3. Real Life Guidance to Helping Your Teen in High School includes practical suggestions to help your child find his/her identity, avoid bullies, handle peer pressure and more.

Grab them all to be armed with the easy-to-follow advice at your fingertips. They’re available for instant download, which means you can get the help you need any day of the week, even if it’s the middle of the night.

Cyberbullying occurs when a child bullies another child in an online venue. While the bullying is not taking place in person, it is still a very serious issue. Teens that use the internet to cyberbully traditionally target their peers and smear their names or issue threats. Cyberbullying is not typically a one time occurrence; it is an ongoing issue that will continue until the matter is addressed, either by authority figures or by the teenager themselves.

Teens can handle cyberbullying in different ways. While parents may not recognize the signs of teen cyberbullying, teens often take the cyberbullying to heart. Such instances are shown when children commit suicide for no apparent reason, only for parents to discover after the death that the teen was a target of cyberbullying. Suicide or murders are the extreme extent of the issue.

Victims of cyberbullying usually become self-conscious or withdraw into themselves. Acceptance is what every teenager wants, especially from their peers. When a teenager is bullied instead, whether online or off, they can become very depressed and even express signs of self-hatred.

It is important, as a parent, to be aware of any changes in your teenager’s attitude or behavior as these can be early warning signs that something is not quite right. Addressing the issue head-on can be beneficial for both your teenager and you. Your teen will be happy to have a parent who cares and will stand behind them. Lack of parental support can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, along with depression and thoughts of harming themselves.

While murder and suicide are the extreme consequences of cyberbullying, most events are not usually pursuable in a criminal manner. While it is only normal to want the offender to pay for deliberately setting out to hurt your teen, it is important not to stoop to the teen’s level as it then becomes a more serious nature for which you, as a responsible adult, will be in trouble. It is more advisable to document all of the cyberbullying events and use them as evidence if presented to the authorities.

Cyberbullying can affect your teen in various ways. Some teenagers shrug off the offending comments while others take the comments personally and withdraw into themselves. Very rarely, murder or suicide may be a result of a cyberbullying event taken too far.

Be aware of any serious changes in your teenager’s attitude or behavior as the changes may be an indication of something wrong in your teenager’s life. Open communication is important as well as letting your teenager know that you are there for support. Never take matters into your own hands by stooping to the level of cyberbullying – it could lead to criminal charges against yourself. Rather, document all of the comments and attempts of cyberbullying directed at your teen and present the evidence to authorities and let them handle the matter.

If you’re considering teaching your teen to drive, it’s important that you try to remember learning how to drive and how excited you were. By putting yourself back in their “seat,” so to speak, you may have more patience and empathy. These are both needed, as well as a desire to see your teen become a skilled, responsible driver.

Your teen may have driver’s education classes available to them at school. This is a great opportunity to allow your teen to become comfortable behind the wheel without having to be the one who is initially in the car with them. No matter how good the driver’s education class is, you’ll also be responsible for taking your teen out to practice driving.

It’s possible, however, that the best way for your teen to learn how to be a responsible driver is what they learn from watching you. Pay attention to the traffic around you, know and follow the rules of the road, and use proper judgment while driving. If you do these things, your teen may emulate those skills rather than those of their peers.

Talk to your teenager about the responsibilities and dangers associated with driving. You may even want to go as far as to tell them the statistics for teenagers killed in motor vehicle accidents. This will get their attention and hopefully encourage them to be better drivers.

Take the time to provide ample opportunities for your teen to practice driving. Take them driving when it’s raining, when there’s rush hour traffic, and at night. In fact, find as many different conditions they may face when driving as possible. The more experience they have behind the wheel, the better their driving will be.

Establish clear rules regarding driving and be sure to enforce them. One idea you may want to consider is to restrict your teen from having other teenagers with them while driving. Teenagers don’t always use their best judgment and this can often be the case when they’re behind the wheel trying to impress their friends. And of course you’ll want to stress the importance of not drinking and driving.

Let your teen be aware of what you’re doing and where you’re going if you’re teaching them to drive. They’ll be better prepared to handle what comes at them if they know in advance that they’re going to be driving in rush hour traffic, for example.

Consider how mature your teenager is. Do they have to be reminded to put on their seatbelt? Do they react calmly when something bothers them or do they fly off the handle? Do they think they’re invincible? If you don’t think they’re mature enough or are concerned about their reactions when you’re in the car with them, you may have enough reason to ask them to wait to learn to drive.

Consider using these top tips to get your teenager ready to drive. You can also get advice from other parents who have taught their teens to drive, or check with the school’s driver’s education teacher. Between the help you get from others and your own experiences learning to drive, your teen should soon be ready to get behind the wheel.

Just as in other aspects of their life, teens can strengthen their self confidence skills. Some will have tougher situations to overcome, but in the end, everyone can benefit.

Here are some self confidence strategies that you can share with your teen:

1. Start small. You don’t want to expect too much too soon when it comes to making changes in your teen’s life. To say that they must become self confident overnight can prove to be a nearly impossible task, and it might just make your teen pull away from you emotionally.

• Instead, focus on just one small issue and build from there. They could work on standing up to one friend or finding the courage to speak up more in class.

2. Work on forgetting the past. Many times a teen will have self confidence issues because of certain past experiences. Work on those issues first and explain that the past doesn’t have to repeat itself. Tell your teen that, in life, you can’t get too hung up on past issues or you’ll be jeopardizing future opportunities.

3. Remind your teen that they’re not alone. Being a teen can be lonely; sometimes they’re tempted to pull away just because they start to feel uncomfortable talking about their issues.

• Keep an open dialogue with your teen and avoid judging them when they do open up.
• Remind them that you’ll always be there, as well as other family members and friends.

4. Provide encouragement. Teens need lots of encouragement because, as they find themselves, they’ll discover activities that they’re good at in life. Sometimes things work out perfectly for them, and other times they begin to struggle.

• Be there to provide that extra encouragement when they need to get over a hurdle.

5. Allow your teen to try something new. You can provide your teen with a great confidence builder by encouraging them to engage in new things. This gives them extra practice when it comes to confidence and it may help them become more grounded and social.

6. Provide rewards. Use rewards to congratulate your teen when they take a stride toward self confidence. If they take a big step forward, buy them a little something that they’ve been wanting or take them out to dinner at their favorite restaurant.

7. Provide unconditional love. Unconditional love shows your teen that, even if they make a mistake, you’ll be there for them no matter what.

8. Be accepting. Be accepting of others and teach your teen to do the same. Your teen will have the confidence to be himself if you have an accepting nature. This will provide a starting point for feeling accepted out in the world away from home.

Remember that being there for your teen is the most important thing. Sometimes they’ll want to be alone and other times they’ll need your help. Either way, they’ll know that you’re always rooting for them.

Teens often see having parties as a means to gain respect or become popular. If you can plan the party while the parents are out of the house, it’s even better. They think if they can invite a bunch of friends over without adult supervision, they’ll be as good as gold.

If you’re concerned about your teen having a party at your home, here are some ideas you may want to consider.

* Help your teen plan the party. Helping them plan it will ensure they know what you expect the house to look like when it’s over. You will also be able to discuss with them the importance of not allowing alcohol at the party.

* Set some ground rules for the party. These will likely include no alcohol, no drugs, couples are not allowed to go off into rooms alone, the music needs to remain at a decent level so the neighbors don’t call the police, and everyone has to be out of the house at a specific time. You may suggest they ask one friend to spend the night so they can help clean up the mess that’s sure to happen.

* If you already have alcohol in your home, you can remove it, hide it, or put it under lock and key. Teens can be resourceful if they want something bad enough, so removing it from the premises or hiding it where they’d never look are probably your best bets.

* Teach your teen to make some non-alcoholic mixed drinks which will be fun, taste great, and be healthier for them than alcoholic beverages.

* If you’re not comfortable leaving your home entirely during the party, you may want to discuss staying in your room or another part of the house while the party is going on. This will give you the ability to keep an eye on the house and the guests without their knowing you’re home.

* Plan to provide plenty of food for your teen’s party guests. Teens can really put the food away, so you’ll probably want to double what you think will be enough, and then add more on top of that! Providing plenty of other non-alcoholic beverages such as juice, soft drinks, and bottled water is also important. If the guests are full and their thirst is satisfied, they won’t even miss an alcoholic drink.

* When your teen sends out invitations, it is a good idea to state that alcohol will not be served and it will not be allowed on the premises. If someone tries to sneak in something they shouldn’t, let your teen know it’s perfectly alright if they ask that guest to leave.

It is possible for a teen to have a safe party at your home. Learning how to throw a teen party without alcohol will give them the popularity boost they need. Keeping alcohol out of the equation will ensure the guests all return home unharmed.

Parents don’t often realize the cause of talking back. For a teen, they may feel frustrated or powerless in a situation. They feel their only recourse is to talk back. They may say “you’re not being fair to me” which is totally different than saying harmful things to you which may be considered verbal abuse.

* If you’ve already told your teen ‘no,’ for whatever their request was, the decision is already made and you’re not obligated to change it. No matter how many times they try to explain their point of view, stick to your guns. You are the parent.

* You love your teens but you don’t have to accept back talk. Explain to your teen that you won’t accept rude behavior. Explain that you are willing to talk with them and willing to listen, but back talk won’t be tolerated.

* When they talk back you don’t have to respond. Of course, chances are you’ll be tempted to do so, but you’re an adult. You don’t have to stoop down to their level. Responding may also make the situation worse.

* Take your time choosing which battle to take on. You’re not going to win every conflict with your teen over talking back, but you can take on the ones which are most important. Forgetting to feed the dog one day may not be a problem you want to fight about, but talking back by teens most likely is.

* Try to establish a password or sign to let your teen know when they’re getting close to crossing the line with you. Having recognized boundaries will help with this. They may also help keep peace in your home.

* Decide ahead of time what the consequences will be for continual talking back. If your teen knows what the consequence or punishment will be, and you follow through with it, they’ll know you mean business about this habit they’re establishing.

You want your teens to respect you and their talking back may indicate there is a lack of respect. Refuse to respond when they begin talking back. Acknowledge pre-established consequences, and then following through with those. Before long your teen will get the hint that talking back doesn’t do them any good.

When teens talk back you may want to get down on their level and make them see your point. However, this only indicates to them you don’t deserve their respect. Use some of the hints above and you may find the talking back happening less and less often.

Even if you don’t suspect that your teen is in such a relationship, it’s important to speak to them about the possibilities and what they can do if this scenario ever happens to them.

Here are a few tips to help make talking to your teen about abusive relationships a little easier:

#1 – Be open and honest. Children and teenagers in particular appreciate honesty. By nature children are honest and the more open and honest we are as parents, the more positive connections we’ll form with them. Sit down with your teen in a quiet spot at a convenient time and ask them about their thoughts on the subject. Your teen may very well surprise you with their maturity and serious response to the matter.

Let your child know that you care about them and want them to know how to get help if they or someone they know is ever faced with this situation. By approaching your teen in an honest and caring way, you let them know you are on their side – something teenagers often struggle with.

#2 – Get involved. As our children grow it gets more difficult to remain a part of their lives. By regularly getting involved and being part of your child’s life, it will be easier to pick up on signals of an abusive relationship. Speak to your teen’s teachers and stay on top of their school activities. Know your teen’s friends and their parents. The closer you are to their “inner circle” the better your chances of staying in contact and knowing when to step in as a parent.

Another good way to stay connected with your teens is to make your home the “safe haven” for them and their friends. This doesn’t mean that rules don’t apply or that you will be more of a friend rather than a parent. But by providing a non-judgemental place for your teen and their friends to hang out, you get an inner view into their life and know the people they spend possibly large portions of time with.

Setting fair but firm boundaries will let everyone know that rules do apply, but that they are welcomed in your house. By providing activities such as movie nights and lots of food as well as a little privacy for your teens and their friends, you provide a place they’ll want to come to.

#3 – Know when to take action. Abusive relationships are no laughing matter. A teen involved in this type of relationship is in real danger. If you do suspect that your teen or one of their friends is involved in such a relationship, it may be time to take action.

Speak to your child and their friends and other parents. Find out everything you can about the situation and act quickly. And although a teen in such a relationship may initially resist help or see the parent as the “bad” one, the main thing to focus on now is helping your teen remain safe.

If your teen has been involved in an abusive relationship, it may be wise to seek counselling. This is a trauma that may last with them for many years. By getting counselling early on you can start to help heal the wounds.

If you’re worried about peer pressure, teen cliques and how to deal with them, here are our top tips:

#1 – Reinforce your values as a family. Children have an inner need to belong to a group. By letting your child feel early on in life that your family is their own group, you create strong family foundations. Refer to your family as “the family name” to reinforce your values as a whole. For example – we are the Connors and “the Connors” don’t smoke or “the Connors” don’t use aggression to resolve problems.

If your children hear you saying these statements or similar from early on, they learn that they are indeed part of a bigger group – your family unit. Regularly speak to your children about the world and situations and your thoughts on those topics. By allowing your children to see how you view the world you give them a glimpse into what is important to the family as a whole.

#2 – Help their self-esteem. Teens often join cliques or are pressured into situations because they feel bad about themselves. While this isn’t always the case and sometimes teens just want to “fit in” or “be cool,” it’s often a factor. Let your teen know what their strengths are. When our children are little we often praise the many things they do – we clap when they take their first steps or say their first word. However, as our children grow our praise tends to diminish.

While you don’t have to clap for every little thing your teen does, they still need praise and to know they’re doing things right. Let your child know you’re proud of them and that you love them. Acknowledge their accomplishments. Some days the only positive thing you may find is the simple act of putting their dishes away, but by saying a simple “thanks, I appreciate you putting your plate away” you let them know that you notice even the small positive things they do.

If your child suffers from severe low self-esteem, it may be wise to seek help from a professional. Low self-esteem may lead to other issues such as depression and can wreak havoc in your teen’s life.

#3 – Don’t worry about the little things. While you have every right to be concerned if you feel your child is getting in with the wrong crowd, sometimes as parents we have a tendency to overreact. If your teen dyes their hair green, this doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re doing drugs or are ready to drop out of school. Speak to your child; it may be that they are simply experimenting or finding “their style.”

Teens get to a stage where they’re trying to find their feet and their independence in a grown-up world. It’s important to give them a little space to figure this out. It’s also important to trust that as a parent you have already set strong foundations for your child. Now may be time to sit back and show some faith in them.

However, if you do feel at any time that your teen is in trouble or has gotten into the wrong crowd, it is important to act on those feelings. No one knows your child better than you. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts as a parent and take action.

Talking To Young Adults

It’s easy to forget that you shouldn’t treat teenagers like children. When you eye their every move and talk down to them, you’ll eventually lose their trust. When you allow them to be themselves and, at the same time, nurture them when they need it, they’re more likely to open up to you.

One reason why conversations with teenagers can be so difficult is because it’s challenging to walk that fine line between treating them like an adult, while still exerting some parental control. It’s also tough to watch your children make mistakes that you think you could’ve prevented. The only thing you can really do is give them advice when they are open to it.

These tips may help you strike a good conversation with your teen:

• Make an extra effort to talk to them, but don’t push the issue. It’s normal for a teenager to withdraw from communication from time to time.

• As long as you have no reason to be suspicious of them, you should respect their privacy.

• You can wait to have certain conversations with them until they’re ready, but on the other hand, you don’t want to wait too long.

Talking About Sex

Sex is a topic that you may naturally feel awkward talking about, no matter who you’re having a conversation with. With your own teen, it can be especially tough to have an open and honest talk.

Chances are they already know a great deal about this topic. However, if they ask you questions, be honest with your answers. It’s actually better for them to be getting information from you. You’ll know that what you’re providing is accurate, and you’ll be building a lasting relationship with your teen that will grow into adulthood.

While there are certainly differing opinions on the subject, try to get your perspective across without being judgmental.

Talking About Drugs

The topic of drugs is another important one. It’s best to be educated early on this topic. Children should be taught to avoid drugs, so it’s certainly a topic you should bring up with your teenagers from time to time.

If you’re involved in your teen’s life and have no reason to believe they’d be involved with drugs, you probably have nothing to worry about. However, if your teen acts withdrawn and you don’t know their friends very well, there might be a problem.

Trust your instincts. If you think something’s up, then strive to be more involved. You may be dealing with a tough situation and, therefore, you should make the extra effort to discuss the issue with your teen.

Trusting Your Teen

It all comes down to the issue of trust. Remember that trust is a two way street. If you maintain a good level of trust with your teen, they’ll feel comfortable having conversations with you. This will hold true even if it’s one of the tougher conversations. Just make sure you remain open to your teen, and they’ll come to you for advice.

As your child goes from toddler to youngster to tween to teenager, something in what you say gets lost in translation. They can give you that blank stare as if the words that are coming out of your mouth sound like the unseen teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoons.

It’s not easy to improve the communication bridges with a teen but it’s important to try to get through as these years and the choices they make now will have a vital impact on their future.

Here are a few tips to help you get started:

1. Watch your body language. How you move says a lot about you. When a person is tired, they tend to slump. When angered, your jaw muscles tighten and your eyes narrow into slits. Believe it or not, teenagers are good at interpreting body language. Yours will betray you when you are talking to them. Keep it open and honest. Avoid sitting with your arms crossed, eyes looking away from them or squirming in your seat.

2. Make eye contact. When you don’t look at the person you are talking to it says that you are either hiding something or you are not at all interested in what they have to say. Your teenager will shut down emotionally when they suspect that you are not “tuned in” to them. Sit comfortably and give your teen undivided attention with consistent eye contact. It lets them know that you care.

3. Keep your emotions in check. Remember back to when you were a teenager. Some of the things you said to your parents were aimed at freaking them out. Teenagers will push your buttons if they can. Don’t go overboard and get upset. Their target is the situations they know make you mad. Instead, take a deep breath and ignore the taunt. Do the opposite of what they expect because really, they want you to see through their ploy and find out the real problem.

4. Ask them about their day. This technique works with spouses also. Even if your teen only grunts or says the obligatory, “It was okay,” ask anyway. Your show of caring will go a long way to convince them that you are interested in the things that they do and how they feel.

5. Be honest with them. If you don’t understand the situation they are talking about then say so. Kids know when you are being insincere. Discuss the situation until you get an idea of where they are coming from. Your teen won’t mind explaining as long as they know you are listening.

6. Allow them their privacy. This one is tricky and since you know your child better than anyone else, you can draw the line. Teens value their time alone. While the policy in your home may be that there are no locks on the doors, always show respect by knocking before entering. If they don’t want to be pressed about a situation in school, wait until they are ready (if it’s not urgent) and then talk about it.

Parenting a teenager takes a tough skin, a willingness to be vulnerable and lots of love. You will make mistakes but whatever you do, don’t ever stop talking.